Despite the fact we both probably agree a person cannot be boiled down to a single paragraph:
I live in Los Angeles and hail from Bangor, ME. In Maine, I grew up down the street from famed horror author Stephen King, and am equipped for all future ice breaker situations with the fact that he once made fun of me for my horrible tennis serve. I write serious things and funny things for all sorts of formats, sometimes for brands. My work has been written up in The New York Times, Vice, A.V. Club, Nerdist, Neiman Lab, Adweek, Thrillist, Newsweek and more, and I'm very grateful they did that. When my friends are sad, I like to send them money on Venmo.