I've written thousands of words that have miraculously appeared on the internet.

Reported Features:                                                                                             
Everyone’s Resolution Is To Drink More Water In 2020, New York Times
Why Co-Ed Sports Leagues Are Never Really Co-Ed, Deadspin
For years, brands have been pushing an at-home lifestyle. No one expected it to happen like this., Vox
Do We Grow Out Of Going Home For The Holidays?, Deadspin
I’m A Woman, Shake My Hand, Damn It, Deadspin
We All Know The Horse Girl. But What About The Horse Boy?, MEL Magazine
Millennial Men On Joining, And Then Leaving The Priesthood, MEL Magazine
Carhartt Is the Uniform of Both the Right and the Left, Racked

Humor:
Items In Your Online Shopping Cart Are Selling Fast!, The New Yorker
Questions It’s Totally Okay to Not Have Answered in Your Twenties, McSweeney’s
Brave! Woman Leaves For The Night With Only 22% Battery, Reductress

Essays:
The Secret To Enjoying Nature Is…Your Phone, WIRED
If You Use Venmo The Good Way, Your Life Will Improve, WIRED
Who Are Bachelorette Parties Even For?, Jezebel

Profiles:
Meditation In Motion: Learning The Art Of Running Zen, Brooklyn Magazine

Service:
The Australian Hangover Cure You Can Chug Every Day To Survive Cold Season, GQ

News & Blogging:
Business Insider: I was a freelance retail reporter at BI in 2020. Those clips are here.
Someecards: I was a nights and weekends writer at Someecards from 2016 - 2017. Those clips are here.